Teens and Dating Violence: Tips for parents
Take young relationships seriously. Don’t underestimate the intensity of young feelings or minimize the importance of young relationships.
Know that both males and females can be abused—emotionally, physically and sexually—in a relationship.
Pay attention to warning signs. Youth feel a high level of loyalty to their peers. Most young people do not tell their parents about violence within their dating relationships. Instead, youth generally idealize their partners and internalize the blame. Some symptoms are obvious: ask about tell-tale bruising or other injuries, and don't ignore it if your teen seems to be terribly upset often when talking on the phone, whether sad, angry or begging for forgiveness. Other symptoms of abuse among adolescents may include sudden personality changes and extreme mood swings, persistent depression, drop in school performance, withdrawal from activities, sudden phobic behavior, self-destructive or risk-taking behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, development of eating disorders, and sudden alienation from peers and/or family.
Educate young people to know these danger signals:
A youth may be abused if he/she
- believes they must be in a relationship to be happy
- "walks on eggshells"
- gives up friends and enjoyable activities for a partner
- is afraid to express his/her own opinion
- accepts or excuses inappropriate behavior
- believes that jealousy/possessiveness are signs of love
A youth may be abusive if he/she
- controls the relationship using threats, intimidation, criticism or ridicule
- becomes angry easily; has a temper or is a “bad loser”
- is unable to talk about negative feelings
- approves and justifies violent behavior
- becomes excessively jealous or possessive; wants to limit a partners contact with others
- believes in and wants to enforce traditional roles
- uses alcohol/drugs
If a young person tells you about dating violence:
- Listen without judging; believe
- Recognize your own feelings are separate from the youth’s feelings
- Realize your limitations in providing support; help the youth access other helping resources
- Discuss options: counselling, reporting, laying charges, medical needs, etc.
- Let the youth be in control and support his/her decisions
