Celebrate this Valentine’s Day with respect, honesty and love
Every relationship deserves to be healthy and happy...even yours.
Valentine’s Day is a wonderful time to celebrate your relationship with gifts, romantic dinners and expressions of love and affection. It’s also a day to remember that healthy relationships aren’t built on chocolates, flowers and poetry alone. Respect, honesty, comfort and support are the healthy building blocks of romantic relationships, surpassing the Valentine’s Day messages of passion, intensity and devotion. Recognizing and learning about healthy romantic relationships starts early.
“Our culture starts laying the groundwork at a very early age to convince young people that romantic love is all-important. However, we often neglect to teach young people what’s healthy and what isn’t in romance,” says Lisa Evanoff, National Training Manager for RespectED.
Evanoff says part of the reason dating violence flourishes among young people is that they misunderstand what violent behaviour means. Even the seemingly benign “Be Mine” is a problematic message. “Too many young people think that possessiveness is a sign of intense passion and devotion—even when it leads to controlling behavior, jealousy and rage.” Evanoff adds that one in four young victims misinterpret the violence they experience as a sign of love.
RespectED, the Canadian Red Cross program that focuses on the prevention of abuse and violence, offers a prevention program through schools. The program helps young people overcome myths, misconceptions and stereotypes, and develop healthier expectations for romance.
“As a society, we have to work harder to help young people develop healthier lifelong relationship patterns,” says Evanoff. “We can’t just teach children about passion and romance, we have to teach them about respect.”
While every relationship has its own dynamic and set of variables, there are many consistent elements of love, respect and understanding throughout all healthy relationships...even yours. The Relationship Bill of Rights is a straightforward tool that allows you to ask yourself if your relationship is as healthy as it could be.
The Relationship Bill of Rights
I hereby declare that I have the following rights in my intimate relationships. I also recognize and respect that all other people are entitled to the same rights at all times.
- To have and express my own feelings and opinions, whether or not others agree.
- To make decisions about myself, and to have equal decision-making power in my relationships.
- To say “no” to physical closeness or any other act that makes me uncomfortable, at any time.
- To refuse a date at any time.
- To choose my own friends, and to maintain relationships with those friends.
- To participate in activities that do not include my boyfriend or girlfriend.
- To control my own money and other possessions.
- To live free from fear and abuse
- To end a relationship.
- _______________________
from: The Teen Relationship Workbook by Kerry Moles, CSW
For more information on healthy relationships and RespectED programs for youth and adults, please visit www.redcross.ca/respected.
