Don't Let Stress Ruin the Holidays
The holidays are supposed to be a happy, blissful time—at least, that's how we think it's supposed to be.
In reality, many individuals and families struggle with stress, disappointment, depression and anger, turning holiday together-time into a pressure cooker. Before you blow your top this season, remember:
Getting angry is natural. It’s what you do with your anger that determines how healthy it is!
Feeling angry is ok, because anger tells us something is wrong. But using violence or abusive language is never an acceptable way to cope.
- Consider the consequences, to you and to others, for your choice of words and actions. Consequences come now or they come later, but they always show up!
- You’re never too old to take a time-out when you feel yourself losing control. Use this time to talk yourself down from hostile thoughts, feelings and urges, and come up with creative, appropriate solutions.
- Maintain your dignity; help others keep theirs.
If you feel like there's just too much to do—DON'T DO IT ALL!
- Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Do what's most important, and ask for help if you need it.
- Sometimes the best part of being together is working together.
- Even young kids can help with simple tasks, like table setting or cookie decorating.
Take 100% responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
- Don’t blame others for the fact that you are feeling angry. You might be angry with someone, but they didn’t MAKE you mad.
- Play detective with yourself. Anger is often a mask for hurt feelings and fear. Look deeper to determine what’s really bothering you.
- Be specific when you talk about what’s bothering you. Talk about the “real” problem.
- Avoid the tug-of-war created by “my way or no way” thinking. Negotiate. Look for compromises—be willing to give a little to get a little.
Make an effort to be fair and to be generous. Think how you want to be treated when someone is unhappy with you.
Techniques for calming down when you're overwhelmed enough to hit, scream or smash
- Walk away from the situation, prefereably outside for some fresh air if possible. If you can't go out, go to another room.
- Exert some energy to release stress—walk, stretch, touch your toes—concentrate on your breathing.
- If you are too angry to talk, go write down your anger: "I am mad because ________ and this is what I want to have happen..." It's up to you whether you share the words with someone or just wad them up and throw them out.
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If you're mad enough to hit, don't touch. Touching can escalate—for example, grabbing can lead to shaking.
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Call a sympathetic, calming listener—a friend, family member or crisis line. Talk to them until you're calmer. Who knows, you might even be able to laugh about it all!
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Wash your hands and face in cool water. Breathe deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth, until the urge to strike has passed.
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Put on music that makes you feel calm or happy, and just listen for awhile. Or dance around. Nothing wrong with a little joyful movement!
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Shut yourself in the bathroom and lock the door, so no one can disturb you.
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Sip a cup of tea, coffee or water. Avoid alcohol when under stress—it can create more problems than it solves.
